Darth Evil

Darth Evil was the darkest, most evilest Sith ever. And she didn't have to destroy planets or kill anyone either.

One of the greatest (in terms of eviltude) Sith of all time, Darth Evil was a woman. And not just any woman, the woman of your dreams, and mine, and everyone elses. She was a woman of such extreme hotness and passion that even someone as sexually ambiguous as Goldenrod would be completely overwhelmed by mad, umm... relational urges at the very sight of her. And that was her thing, she was smart, gorgeous and perfect in every way but she never put out. Not to anyone. Not ever. Such was the greatness of her evil.

Legend says that she would appear to anyone as the very realization of their most coveted fantasy, and play out a whole fairy tale for you, without the 'happy ending'. Many Jedi came over to the Darkside sheerly out of the emotional stress of meeting her. Many Sith have destroyed planets just at the sight of her. did I mention she was evil?

Anyway, legend also has it that she could not die (Even death was afraid to come near her), so she might still be around today. That girl next door who likes you? Could be her so watch out...

Born before time even existed, as the story goes, she created the universe through her complete evil. Then, leaving the rest of the work to some unknown named Kyle Katarn, she founded the Sith Order, a group of less awesome (but still awesome) people dedicated to evil. There was a member of the Galactic House of Lords (strangely a lady) that started a religion known as the Female Expert Manifesto (FEM), with her as the sole deity. It has carried on through the lines of hot female Sith ever since.

Darth Evil clearly exists in the minds of all Darthipedians and editors of any fan wiki. What those cannot have, they create in their minds, and sure I'd fucking destroy a planet for her too.

Once you have started down the Darth path, forever will she dominate your destiny,. Yes, you are doomed to pine for her until the day Tatooine freezes solid and Hoth has tropical beaches. Why? Because you are cursed by her even though she doesn't know you, the extent of her evil is so great. It happens to all Darthipedians. Except for Female Darthipedians, and we all know those are just urban legends.

You see, a long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, the original leaders of Darthipedia dared cross her. Leave it to them to make a crappy wiki. A big fan of good humor, Lady Evil and her disciples set out to create some good articles and destroy the crappy ones (but how many articles would this wiki have if they did?). No one had much of a problem with this, but it was difficult for the FEMs and the G*nkists to exist in harmony. Finally in an all-out duel the FEMs gained control of the wiki, but later lost it thanks to the oh-so-heroic efforts of the G*nkists and male Sith. So now Darth Evil put a curse on everyone on this wiki who has been here for more than two weeks. If you have there is no hope. If you haven't than it isn't too late... what the hell are you doing on this wiki anyway?

If you have the courage to scroll down, then do so. Those without the courage will expierience vomiting, nausea, or extreme hair loss. Now who wants to read this article? All two of you? Okay. Then scroll down the page,, and be prepared to stomach the evilness of it all...just make sure you leave your will with me...

Birth
"She didn't create the universe. The universe created her. And then she created the universe. Though she didn't really. That was Kyle Katarn. Or was it? I guess what I mean is that she was the original Creator that created all the stuff before Kyle actually created it. No, that's not what I mean. What I'm trying to say is...My point is...What I'm trying to tell you is...Strawberry smoothie?"

- I'd really rather not have to tell you

Darth Evil was the darkest, most evilest Sith ever. And yes, I did paste that from the first sentence. I'm just trying to emphasize this point before we continue.

She was so evil that she was created by the living Dark Side itself. The dark side was a hermaphrodite, like the Hutts but it smelled a lot worse. The Dark Side enjoyed checking out strip clubs on Venus, the strip club capital of the galaxy, but unfortunately because of its extreme b.o. never had relations. Getting depressed, our hermaphrodite dark side decided to have relations with itself. I don't know how it managed, but it did. Somehow it also got pregnant with itself. The result: Darth Evil.

Creation of the Universe
Darth Evil then created the universe out of the things we fear most. She created it out of disgusting food, of fussy relatives, of gross warts and awful smells, all of which can be described in the passage below. This is the time when you can hand me your will. Hand-holding will cost fifty bucks, and tissues an extra twenty-five.

''It's Christmastime and you're at your Grandpa Jim's house. You are trying out the new digital microscope from Uncle Ted while wearing the hand-knit sweater Grandma Sue gave you every Christmas (when is that lady going to get some imagination for a change?). Suddenly, the warning bell inside your head starts to ding. You check the clock. Two minutes to five. And she was never late. Never. Not in the past fifteen years since you've known her.''

''The clock rings five just as the apple-shaped form of Aunt Marge appears in the doorway. "Where's my ?" she shouts, looking wildly around the room for you while everyone else tries to conceal their smirks. You put on what you think is a brave smile while you mutter a hi, hoping she doesn't notice your disgusted look at the humungo wart on her nose.''

''She tackles you on the couch and covers you with kisses. Your nostrils fill with her characteristic smell of mothballs, soap, and old people, making your head spin. You catch a refreshing whiff of her coat and you know that she hasn't washed the thing since your middle school graduation.''

"Now who wants some of my homemade guacamole?" ''she bellows, her voice too loud as always. You unconsciously cringe. Aunt Marge's guacamole was something that even Jabba the Hutt would turn sickly green at the very mention of. Your face pales as you remember the time you found something that looked suspiciously like a rat's tail in it when you were seven.''

I'm going to give you a few seconds to calm down................................now I'm done.

In any case, Darth Evil created the universe out of pure evil and fear, aka the Dark Side. When she was finally done, she instilled terror of all her creations of herself, the Sith, and Aunt Marge (Shiver). Indeed, Darth Evil was evil in a way most Sith just couldn't be. Wanting to spread more evil around, Darth Evil left her post as Supreme ruler of the Universe and gave it to Kyle Katarn.