Sith Handbook on Alien Encounters

The Sith Handbook on Alien Encounters was a Sith-published book. A manual filled with What to do scenarios on encounters with the sentient and non-sentient wildlife throughout the Galaxy. Studying this book would ensure your Powah.

A

 * Alderaanian: A Death Star will do just nicely.

B

 * Bunny: Dangerous individuals, promising them carrots might do the job. Otherwise boil 'em in a pot.

D

 * Dark Jedi: These individuals have tasted the Dark Side but are still EMOS. Use this weakness against them. They also make good (expendable) minions.

E

 * Ewok: Make sure you have a golden protocol droid with you, they will treat him like a deity.

F

 * Falleen: Easily Pwn@bl3, then make some nice boots out of them. Ladies' handbags are also fashionable and sell well.
 * Fordo: Guess you're PWNed!
 * Frog: Call Amphibian Immigration & Relocation to do this.

G

 * Gungan: Do not attempt a conversation with these creatures. Instead, Wipe them out, all of them.

H

 * Hutt: Distract the target by throwing some credits on the floor, then slash out with your lightsaber.
 * Hippie: The first way to deal with them is by handing them some weed. The other, quicker and more... ahem... fun way is to hack'n'slash them bigtime! (Note: they're too high to put up a fight anyway.)

I

 * Iridonian: Brainwash well, then tatoo them in red and black &mdash; they make great evil badguys once they can swing a lightsaber.

J

 * Jawa: Buy a grinder from Czerka.
 * Jedi: When encountering a Jedi a lot of options emerge, you can PWN them, corrupt them to the Dark Side, or if these options do not work for you, throw your Lightsaber away, then tell the Jedi that you repent your crimes against the Force and that you want to return to the Light Side. The Jedi will then ask you a question to test you, for instance he will ask you what you think of that tree that's next to you, Reply that you LOVE the tree! The Jedi will now trust you. Wait for a good opportunity, then PWN this feeble-minded fool.

K

 * Kyle Katarn: Guess you're KATARNINATED!

M

 * Mandalorian: Be nice to them, treat them with honor, then invite them to a friendly game of Mandalorian Roulette, make sure they win!
 * Martians: When you encounter one of these, you know you have to lay off those death sticks because they don't freakin' exist!
 * Mon Calamari: Lure them into a trap.
 * Muun: How about this?

N

 * Neimoidian: Promise them they will be left in peace. Then leave them in pieces.

Q

 * Quarren: Pretend to be frightened by their tentacles (and especially the beak) then either turn them to the dark side or PWN the weird-looking bastards!

R

 * Rodian: Just shoot first.
 * Rakatan: Pretend to be his friend, use the Force to extract from him any information regarding the location of the Star Forge, than use the Star Forge to build around a gazillion ships and use them to PWN the feeble Hippie Jedi scum!

S

 * Sand People: Step one: Buy your apprentice's mother a nice trip to Tatooine. Step two: Make sure she visits the lovely Sand People, who will automaticly Yo Mama her. Step three: Inform your apprentice of this and make him do all the dirty work.
 * Supreme Chancellor: Step one: Hack into the Galactic Phone Company. Step two: Call Commander Cody. Step three: Tell him to execute Order 65.
 * Other Sith: This is a difficult case because they have this book too. We advise you to use them to build an Empire and kill them before they kill you. Otherwise let them use you to build an Empire, then kill them before they kill you and take over their empire.

T

 * Twi'lek: Be very careful with females! They might distract you from your abominable quest and you might fall to the Light side! As for the males, strangle the bastards with their own lekku. Or just feed them to some sort of viper.

W

 * Wookiee: In case of a Madclaw!, a deranged sub-species of Wookiees, use Option One or in extreme cases Option Two. Do not, I repeat NOT use Force Lightning. It singes their perms and makes them mad.

Y

 * Yarael Poof: Ceiling fan.
 * Yuuzhan Vong: Just let them do the dirty work for you.