Attichitcuk

"Reeewwwuuurrrw mrrweeew. Bah! Feh!"

- Itchy, roughly translated as "In my day, we walked ten miles to school, uphill, both ways..."

Attipappochittamattoxgonquinchickalumbeekituk, or Attichitcuk, for short, or Itchy for shorter, was Chewbacca's Wookiee hero father who became a horny old lecher in his later days.

Attichitcuk was the greatest hunter on Kashyyyk. He once slew twenty katarns. (Then God warned him not to do that again.) He grew up to be a great community leader and attracted the attention of... the, um... who was Chewbacca's mother, again? What's that? We don't know? Well, he does have one, right? I mean, what, did Attichitcuk just ejaculate into a tube and make Chewbacca with a chemistry set or what? Actually, sounds like something he'd do. Well, uh, let's say, tentatively, that there was some female Wookiee involved, who then ran away or died somehow. Point is, Attichitcuk had a son.

Once Attichitcuk became a father, he stopped being heroic and started hanging around the house, grumbling about everything he encountered and spending all his free time watching his Holographic Wow on the mind evaporator. He was also a big fan of Lap Dancing with the Stars and Up Close and Personal with Guri.

When Chewbacca swore a life-debt to Han Solo, Attichitcuk assumed that meant Chewbacca was gay and that the two were engaged. Chewie and Han attempted to explain on several occasions this wasn't the case, but Attichitcuk never listened. He even made them a pair of traditional Wookiee life commitment bracelets made from uller's teeth.