Vilmarh Grahrk

"Greetings! I am being Vilmarh Grahrk, your new hero. Welcome to Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wikis. Is lot to do around here, cost you only little monies so is hope you'll stay with them and make many more wastes of space improvements. If you are to be touching Villie's article, though, is last thing your miserable self ever do."

- Vilmarh Grahrk

Vilmarh Grahrk was handsome, dashing Devaronian businessman, favorite of ladies, especially yum-yum Twi'leks, and traveling companion of much overrated Jedi Quinlan Vos.

Jedi feared Villie. Sith feared Villie. Except female Jedi and Sith, who very much loved Villie, sometimes two, three times a night. But enough of distraction, back to Sith and fear. Villie take assignment from strange guy, dark robes, named... let's say Darth Bobo, no, not Darth Bobo – Darth Bobo, if you are catching the drift. Bobo was telling Villie, start war between Jedi and lizard people called Yinchorri. Villie said hokay, but through tough negotiation and haggling, raised price many times. Darth Bobo very powerful, but felt growing respect for Villie, you see, agreed to pay what he was worth. Some Jedi die in fighting... creepy crawling Jedi survived somehow, always mumbling "my precious" to himself.

Villie, that is, Vilmarh Grahrk, full name, much respectable, built magnificent criminal empire, but in respectable way, always free to walk streets, destroy planets, enter bars, impress ladies, yes? Earned many hundreds of thousands of credits, spent them wisely, worthwhile investments, nothing at all like betting at the racetrack. Some say Marn Hierogryph greatest, most devious man in history of galaxy, but historians and biographers know better, that Villie was the all-time king. Besides, two horns on head, pointed ears, eyes of red, is much better than fur on the face, is true?

But Villie's idyllic existence was shattered when he met buffoonish Jedi Quinlan Vos on Nar Shaddaa. Vos was silly man, always silly, but at the time even more silly than most, because he had amnesia. Was because too much glitteryll. Nasty habit. Villie learned long ago not to indulge. Villie ask amnesiac Jedi, "Who are you?" Quinlan say, "Not sure." Villie say, "Hokay, you no remember anything, yes?" Quinlan say, "Is exactly the truth." Villie say, "So... you not remember that all your credits is what you borrow from Villie? Please to give back." Villie was always on top of things. Villie was about to leave silly Quinlan in the lurch, when Quinlan said he remember something. He was going to rescue yum-yum blue Twi'lek Jedi Aayla Secura. Villie stop leaving and say, "Hokay, good-good friend, you come with Villie, we rescue girl, yes? She will be very grateful to Villie." So Villie fly his wonderful ship Inferno to Ryloth, kill many evil guards, and rescued Aayla. Oh, Aayla was very grateful, in soft and squishy way. When biographers asked Aayla, she denied it, but Villie knew truth. Poom, as they say. Villie met many Jedi in his travels with Aayla and Vos. Villie met T'ra Saa, Jedi tree with boobs, very strange. Hanging out with Jedi began to make Villie uncomfortable, so Villie left for greener pastures.

Later in life, Villie was in big fight with Durge, crazy bounty hunter who never die. Was big misunderstanding, because Durge was so hard-headed. Villie happened to be passing by the planet of Kashyyyk, when, what do you know, he saw his old friend Quinlan Vos one more time, this time fighting in the Battle of Kashyyyk against many robots, losing very badly. Quinlan was not so impressive as a fighter, but he had good sense to become a friend of Villie, so Villie valiantly charged in with his starship and rescued his good friends. He also rescued Luminara Unduli, who was sort of yum-yum but wore too much clothing and was always very depressed. Villie stayed around, fought alongside the Wookiees for a while, then, satisfied with his great victories, left the planet. As one last favor to good silly friend Quinlan Vos, Villie helped him survive Order 66. Quinlan killed the clone troopers attacking him, but when other clones arrive, Villie step out and say, "Hey, hey, clones, is hokay. Jedi got killed, yes, but Villie burn him, very respectful burial," and clones were all fooled.

As for Villie's whereabouts after that, he could tell you many grand tales of his exploits and achievements, yes, of his richly appointed mansions, skyscrapers bearing his name, but if Villie told you all this, sooner or later, Villie's many wives back home on Devaron might discover where Villie is living and may seek him out, so for now, Villie keep it secret, yes? You can send contribution to Villie's charitable enterprises at unmarked box on Tatooine. In the meantime, Villie is making good living welcoming unworthy new arrivals to Darthipedia.