Darth Elmo

"Elmo hates you."

- Darth Elmo

Darth Elmo, also known as Darth Elmo the Treacherous, was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord known for being more evil than any other being in the Galaxy. He was so evil, in fact, that his attempt to set up his own Galaxy-spanning Sith Empire failed only because he turned on himself, in what later Sith would enviously call "the ultimate act of treachery." He was most dangerous in that he could easily deceive others with that stupid grin on his face and then unleash a world of hurt on them. He specialized in the Tickle torture.

He was the head of the cruel organization known as Sesame Street, that specialized in destroying planets. Darth Elmo never trained an apprentice officially because he was too paranoid. He didn’t trust anyone, not even himself. He was trained in the ways of the Sith and the ways of the juicer by Darth Jawa, a Jawa Dark Lord of the Sith. Duh! Darth Elmo spent most of his life working for Darth Darth Binks, he destroyed many planets in his relatively short life. Although he was evil enough to destroy his boss, he was unable to do so before he betrayed and murdered himself.

Early in life
Elmo and his twin Bob was born on Endor to unknown parents. When the twins were only months old, their parents took them to meet the highly feared Darth Fellatio. Unfortunately for his brother Bob, Fellatio gave him crabs, forcing his parents to shave the fur off of the second brother. However, things weren't the same. Elmo's parents abandoned Bob on the doorstep of some slaughter house and they never spoke of him again. Due to the fact that Elmo was so young at the time, he would never remember this moment. When his parents wanted a third second baby, Elmo killed them and everyone who knew them because he felt they had betrayed him; he was three years old at the time.

Brotherhood of the Bird and the Sith
Two months later, he met Darth Jawa who was a member of a religion named the Brotherhood of the Bird. Jawa's master, Big Bird, ordered Jawa to find a suitable apprentice, in which he found Elmo. Training him in the ways of the Force, Jawa also taught him how to make the most delicious Jawa Juice. Several months later, his training was complete, so to test his abilities, Big Bird ordered Jawa to try to juice him. Elmo escaped the juicer before Darth Jawa activated it, and after passing the test, Big Bird ordered Elmo to kill Jawa, which he did without thought. Bird deemed Elmo too evil to become an official member of the Brotherhood. However, he was promoted to Master Juicer. After the promotion, he was sent to Darth Small, who trained him for several weeks. After the second training was over, he was then promoted to Sith Lord. Small ordered him to assemble a planet destruction team, immediately.

Sesame Street
After meeting Darth Small, he traveled to a distant unknown planet where he found a group of idiots Sesame Street. During the next few months, he trained Sesame Street in the arts of planet destruction. When their training was complete, they went to Daantooiine VII and destroyed the planet, killing all Daantooiinians on the planet and possibly wiping out the entire species. Darth Small rewarded them by giving them all a bag filled with cookies... small cookies. When the other Sith Lords learned about the destruction of Daantooiine VII, they all wanted to hire Sesame Street. But only a few of them were lucky enough to be able to pay them. After the cookie incident, Darth Elmo decided that they would tell any future clients to pay before destruction; this meant that they would be able to decide if they were going to destroy the planet or not after they got paid. At one point, Kermit joined Sesame Street, but he was kicked out two days later because he failed to destroy a planet. While dealing with Kermit, Elmo felt a great disturbance in the Force light years away. At that exact moment, members of the Brotherhood of the Bird were being slaughtered by Dick-Smith Deez Nuts and Bob Barker. Elmo wanted to join Big Bird in fighting these rebels, but instead stayed to further deal with Kermit in a move that Elmo would later regret. Because of this decision, the Brotherhood was killed off entirely. Lord Elmo, in denial, blamed Kermit for the death of his lord. He did everything in his power to kill the frog, just before Kermit escaped. The red Sith devoted all of his power to kill Kermit eventually.

Working for Darth Darth Binks
"Yousa will be my personal idiots.... ehhh... mesa means planet destruction team."

- Darth Darth Binks

When they tried to KABOOM! a planet once, they failed. Darth Elmo thought they would never be hired to destroy a planet ever again, but he was wrong. Darth Darth Binks hired them and wanted them to become his private planet destruction team. They destroyed many planets for Darth Darth Binks and sometimes, they were also allowed to destroy a planet just for fun. Darth Darth Binks paid them with many very big cookies, and he also rewarded them by giving them their own frigate, the Sesame Street Frigate. One of the planets they destroyed was Xantago XVVIII, which was presumed to be an uninhabited planet, but Darth Elmo had discovered that one of Darth Darth Binks' enemies had built a base on the planet which meant it was indeed inhabited. When Elmo told Darth Darth Binks about this, he ordered the immediate destruction of the planet. Darth Elmo planned the destruction carefully: he told Ernie to prepare the explosives while they traveled to Xantago XVVIII. Once they got to the planet, Ernie piloted their ship, Bert placed the explosives, and the other members killed anyone that tried to stop them.

After the mission to Xantago XVVIII, Darth Darth Binks promoted Darth Elmo to Sith Overlord. Elmo was now one step away from being Darth Darth Binks' second in command and two steps away from his own empire.

An apprentice
The Wookiee Elders of Kashyyyk desperately contacted Sesame Street in order for a threat to be taken care of. The threat was a Madclaw! Wookiee-MANDALORIAN hybrid named Darth Animal, son of Wookiee Goldberg and Cassus Fett. What Elmo didn't realize was that Wookiee Goldberg had been created from the guttings of Big Bird, who had been killed several years prior. Because he was born a Madclaw!, Animal PWN3D everything he could get his little hairy hands on. The Wookiee Elders tried to outcast him, only to be PWND themselves. Darth Elmo and Cookie Monster soon confronted Animal, but before the vicious fight could erupt, Darth Elmo sensed something in Animal that he had not sensed since the death of Big Bird. Ordering Cookie Monster to recruit him into the Sesame Street ranks, Elmo believed that this madman could be somewhat of a return of his slain god. Animal agreed, but before he was given his bones, he had to prove himself worthy by destroying as many planets as he could within one week. Animal returned a week later after proving himself worthy of becoming Elmo's apprentice. Animal was given the title Darth and Bitch. As paranoid as Darth Elmo was, he kept the existence of Darth Animal hidden from most of the Sesame Street members. Cookie Monster was kept silent with the promise of Cookies, Unlimited Cookies. Grover, Bert and Ernie never had the slightest clue that Darth Animal the Maniac was watching them closely from the shadows.

An impossible mission
Darth Darth Binks made sure Darth Elmo had more than enough planets to destroy: sometimes he and Sesame Street destroyed as much as 3 planets a week. On very rare occasions, they had to destroy moons, and on one such occasion they managed to wipe out an entire planet by destroying its moon. The mission to Yoyo started normal, but soon Darth Elmo came the conclusion that it was impossible to destroy the planet, as there were too many soldiers defending it. At first he had no idea how they were going to complete their mission, but Bert Darth Elmo had a great idea: he figured out that if they destroyed the planets moon the explosion would devastate the planet and kill every one on it. After they had destroyed the moon, destroying the planet was very easy since there was nobody left alive to defend it. In fact this was the easiest destruction in the history of planet destruction.

Twi'leks
When he was 10 years old, he found out he was terribly allergic to Twi'leks. After he discovered this, he decided to kill every Twi'lek he saw. There was just one Twi'lek that managed to escape him: Aayla Secura. She escaped while Darth Elmo was killing fanboys who were drooling over her. He also tried to destroy the Twi'lek home world, but Darth Darth Binks ordered him not to do it because he loved Twi'leks too much. Darth Elmo never understood why his master liked the Twi'lek dancers, but now he finally knew why he hated them so much. Disregarding his Masters orders to leave the Twi'lek home world alone, Lord Elmo ordered his secret Hand, Darth Animal, on his first mission: to destroy Ryloth in a super secret Sesame Street Black-Op mission.

Building an Empire
After Darth Elmo and Sesame Street had destroyed more than 1,000 planets for Darth Darth Binks, Elmo was given another promotion, becoming a Sith Super-Overlord. After being told there were a few planets that resisted Darth Darth Binks' empire, Darth Elmo was ordered to conquer these planets and use them to start his own empire. Two months later, he and Sesame Street had conquered 4 of the planets and destroyed 64 of them. At this time Darth Elmo received a job offer that involved the death of Bert and Ernie, two members of his planet destruction team. Elmo wasn't very happy about this, so he spent weeks looking for tracked down and confronted the person responsible for the offer. It turned out turned out that Darth Bob was this person. Upon seeing a pissed off Elmo at his apartment, Bob ran like hell. Elmo blew his planet up and didn't see him again for months. Darth Darth Binks was so pleased, he promoted Elmo again. Elmo was now an Sith Mega-Super-Overlord and he ruled 4 very small planets his own empire. In little less than a year, Darth Elmo conquered another 2 planets and destroyed over 300 planets. His empire was growing fast, very fast. When he was 12 years old he had conquered a ridiculously small amount many planets. Now that he had his own empire, he promoted himself to Sith Mega-Super-Overlord Darth Elmo.

A "friendship" with Darth Pillsbury
During one of his many days at work, Elmo encountered a fellow Sith, Darth Pillsbury. Elmo thriving to be as evil as possible developed a "friendship" with the white puff in hopes to later overthrow him. After many months of working with him, Elmo attempted just that. He sent Pillsbury on a mission to collect a payment from Jabba the Hutt. However, what Pillsbury didn't know, Elmo had already given Jabba an extension, and Jabba was not exactly a patient slug. When Pillsbury went to Jabba's exotic dance bar, the Hutt grew furious and sent his henchman after the doughboy. Pillsbury managed to thwart them with his lightsaber and headed home. At this point, Lord Elmo was done with Pillsbury. "Rewarding" him with the task of clearing Transfat's Moor on the northern quadrant of Chipsahoy during hiss campaign to conquer the planet for its vast tibanna gas resources, Elmo knew it was a suicide mission. The Chipsahoy residents were by far better equipped, all of them carrying lock-on miniature superlasers. Pillsbury was of course completely oblivious and walked into the deathtrap like a complete idiot. His body was literally baked to death by the superlasers broiling power. Several days later, Elmo attended Pillsbury's funeral where he met the grieving life partner of Pillsbury, Gunter.

Dick Smith Deez Nuts
After many years of living alone, Dick Smith Deez Nuts, who was now a Madclaw! thanks to a powerful bite from his own creation, Wookiee Goldberg, grew more and more insane. Light years away on a distant world, Darth Elmo, who was attending the funeral of Darth Pillsbury, could feel Deez Nuts inside of him using the Force. Elmo quickly prepared his secret apprentice, Animal, the Madclaw! son of Wookiee Goldberg, to find and exterminate Deez Nuts. The two, after many days of searching for Deez Nuts, eventually found him hiding in a cave on Kashyyyk watching the Spice Channel. Upon seeing Animal, the doctor immediately knew he was the son of Wookiee and somewhat of his own grandson. However, he also knew he had to kill the two. Each person grabbed their lightsabers. Unfortunately, Deez Nuts' hands were completely lubed up from earlier, causing the lightsaber to slip and stab the doctor. Elmo and Animal walked off pissed because they traveled light years to just watch some old coot stab himself and die.

Revenge of Gunter
For weeks, Gunter secretly plotted his revenge on the Sith Lord who had killed his puff. Gunter quickly gathered an X-wing and wrecked havoc on Yo-Mamaopolis, slaughtering two people and luring Elmo into the trap. Darth Darth Binks ordered Elmo to exterminate the man. Elmo fell into the trap as Gunter targeted his weapons onto the furry Sith. Fortunately, Elmo's apprentice, Darth Animal, was able to warn him just before being blown to oblivion. Darth Elmo escaped unharmed and killed Gunter in a matter of seconds several hours later. Years later, the Jedi would extract Elmo's DNA from the assassination attempt and use it in the creation of Darth Emo.

Messing with Bob
While recovering from his earlier assassination attempt at Yo-Mamaopolis, Elmo met a beautiful young girl, Zoe. Elmo offered to buy her a drink, with her reply being a can of pepper-spray. However, after several hours of beating Elmo to a bloody pulp, Zoe finally agreed, getting Elmo to buy her twenty-five drinks. Elmo immediately knew Zoe had to be more than a puppet, possibly a puppet-MANDALORIAN hybrid. To his delight, she also killed every Twi'lek in the bar. Well, one thing led to another... And next thing Elmo knew, he was "tickling" her. Little did Elmo know, Zoe was actually the girlfriend of Darth Bob. Nine months later, Zoe gave birth to a healthy baby... "it." How she got pregnant from a night of just "tickling" is beyond us. Well, anyway, this upset Bob very much. It was enough to push him over the edge. Bob wasn't such a loser anymore. Sure, he was loser-ish, but he wasn't nearly as much. Bob formed a group of renegade Sith called the "Suicide Darths" (he totally stole that name from that movie!), which consisted of five other losers coolness-impaired Sith; Darth Asshole, Darth Boner, Darth Fat Guy, Darth Grotesque and Darth Megatron. Darth Elom supposedly tried to join, but Darth Bob rejected him because his name was so similar to "Elmo". Together, they devised the ultimate plan to get revenge on Darth Elmo.

Ultimate plan to get revenge on Darth Elmo
Yes, they devised the ultimate plan to get revenge on Darth Elmo; kidnap him. That's it. :| Just... kidnap him. No killing. Like I said, they're losers. Anyway, they needed someone to get on the inside, gain Elmo's trust and then betray him. Bob sent Darth Megatron to do the job, knowing Elmo's love of machines that destroy things. After a month of gaining Elmo's trust, Megatron led the red Dark Lord into a trap; the bathroom. While sitting on a toilet, Darth Fat Guy ran into the bathroom and sat on Elmo, trapping him under the massive blob. This nearly killed Elmo, but just rendered him heavily unconscious. Next thing they did was took Elmo outside and got him liquored up. Elmo, so drunk he could barely feel his fur, began doing the hokey-pokey. During this, Bob began remembering his past. A dark past he thought he had forgotten. Finally, they took Elmo and set him on fire. Bob made sure he captured all of this on video. However, little did they know Elmo's secret apprentice, Darth Animal, was lurking behind every corner, ready to rescue his master. At this point, the entire galaxy knew about Elmo's kidnapping. Bob knew the time had come to reveal his true self to Darth Elmo before someone else did. Sitting him in a chair, Bob asked Elmo about what happened to his family. Elmo told him of how he killed his parents after they wanted a second child. Bob revealed that in fact, they wanted a third child. Bob was actually Elmo's long-lost brother. (dun, dun, dun!)

To be continued...

...And now the continuation of Darth Elmo: Ultimate plan to get revenge on Darth Elmo...

Shortly after the revelation of Bob being Elmo's brother, Darth Animal struck. Slaughtering all of the other Sith and freeing his master, Darth Elmo, Animal and Bob engaged in a very short lightsaber duel, just before Animal Wookiee-Nookied Bob close to death. Darth Bob was able to escape, however, and only hours after his escape, uploaded the footage of Elmo's torture to YouTube so the entire galaxy could see how wimpy the Sith Lord really was. Finally, after days of being tortured, Elmo was at peace. Surviving the tortures, Darth Elmo grew more and more evil by the day as the hunt for Bob continued.

The death of an apprentice
Darth Animal's next mission from Lord Elmo was the extermination of Kermit, who was thrown out of Sesame Street on account of failing to destroy a planet. Elmo had grown so much hatred toward the frog, convinced he was the cause of the Brotherhood of the Bird's demise. His search ended on Tatooine. Kermit, protected by countless Gamorreans and his spouse, Miss Piggy, was well aware of Darth Animal's rage and knew his end was near. However, little did Kermit know, Elmo was watching near-by. Darth Animal sliced right trough his Gamorrean opponents and soon nothing separated Darth Animal from his target. Kermit proved a difficult enemy though, using his Frog abilities and his Ataru skills to dodge Darth Animal's attacks. In a last attempt, Darth Animal used all of his Force powers to PWN his green opponent with Force Pwn. Lucky for Kermit, he was so thin that most of the attack missed him completely. Unlucky for Darth Animal, he had used so much of his Force powers in one attack that he injured all of his midi-chlorians. Unable to use the Force, he attacked Kermit mano-a-frogo. Swinging his lightsabers, Animal cut himself in thirty-four pieces. The Sith Underlord was no more. Soon thereafter, Darth Elmo sought a new apprentice to take care of Kermit for him.

A new apprentice
On orders of Lord Elmo, an elite Sesame Street squad led by Cookie Monster kidnapped Gonzo and took him to their leader. Elmo made an offer to the blue, googly eyed thing before him: join him or he'd destroy his planet. Gonzo, however, couldn't care in the least over whether his planet was destroyed. Elmo destroyed it anyway, but Gonzo didn't even notice. Elmo put him on another planet and destroyed it, hoping to have his revenge. But despite his death, Gonzo lived on. He floated through space until he was rescued by an army of Chickens led by Camilla the Chicken. So impressed were they with him that they made him their leader. Gonzo, rather than being enraged at the treatment he had received at the hands of Darth Elmo, liked it. He liked it so much he went to Elmo and asked him to do it to him again. Elmo, surprised at the resilience of this weird blue thing, took him as his next apprentice. After several months of being beaten up being trained by Darth Elmo, Gonzo was given the title of Dearth Ibn Motamid Nadir.

The ultimate act of treachery
"I did it, I defeated myself. Now I will rule the..."

- Darth Elmo's last words

When Darth Elmo was 13 years old, he had conquered eight planets built an empire, but he did not trust himself. He feared that he would try to take his empire away from himself. One day, while he was plotting to kill his boss and take over his empire, he "accidentally" activated his lightsaber and wounded himself; after this incident had proven that he could not trust himself. Darth Elmo started to prepare for the time when he would attack himself, he planned to continue plotting to kill Darth Darth Binks as soon as he had defeated himself. Three weeks later at his fourteenth birthday he attacked his treacherous self, dueling himself for seven hours before he finally defeated and killed himself. It is not known if the treacherous Darth Elmo or the real Darth Elmo won. This act would later be known as "the ultimate act of treachery," and every Sith Lord was amazed by the news and generations of Sith envied Darth Elmo for this act. Even Darth Darth Binks was not as evil as Darth Elmo was.

Alternate ending
Some believe that Darth Elmo was initially defeated by one Darth Hard who slit open Elmo's throat with a lightsaber. We can all think this actually might have happened, but it still isn't as cool as the ultimate act of treachery.

Legacy
After Darth Elmo's death, Darth Sorrow cried for fourteen weeks. It is unknown if he cried this long because Elmo was fourteen years old when he was killed or if it was just a coincidence. His funeral was attended by millions from various galaxies. The funeral was so large that it later turned into a four-day charity concert to benefit prematurely born puppies, something Lord Elmo had a deep-rooted sympathy for. Before Elmo's apprentice, Dearth Nadir, could take orders from his master, Elmo had died, leaving Nadir on his own. Dearth Nadir from that point on would try to emulate his master's death in any way possible, but he never would succeed. Now that Elmo was dead, he was also unable to assassinate Kermit, nor Darth Darth Binks and take over a few more planets the entire universe.

Personality and traits
"Darth Elmo was the most treacherous Sith Lord, he was even more treacherous than me"

- Darth Jawa after he heard about Darth Elmo's ultimate act of treachery

Darth Elmo would be remembered as the most evil and treacherous Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, but he was not always like this. When he was younger he was very cute little puppet, but his parents, who lived with the Ewoks on Endor, and their evil treachery made him who he was. They wanted another child while they already had Elmo; this made Elmo very angry, so he killed them. Elmo became an evil and treacherous Sith Lord, but in reality he was more treacherous than any one imagined, even going as far as to send his "friend" Darth Pillsbury to a gruesome death (and in the process doing the galaxy a HUGE favor). If he had not been killed by himself in a struggle for control over eight lousy planets galactic domination, he would have become the most powerful Sith alive. But this did not happen.

Powers and abilities
Many of Darth Elmo's Powers and abilities were unknown. He was most known for his ability to appear innocent and surprise his victims with his treacherousness. He also mastered Force treachery, he used it when he betrayed and murdered himself. The rest of his abilities are unknown because he was so powerful that he could hide his abilities from the galaxy using Force Hide and Seek. He was one of the few Sith to master Force Bore to Death, a very deadly power.

Clone
After Elmo's death, a clone was produced using DNA recovered from the scene of his earlier assassination attempt at the hands of Gunter. The Jedi created Darth Emo in hope of wiping out the Sith. However, they failed horribly as the emo stabbed himself three hours later.

Assassination attempts and other misfortunes of Elmo
On several occasions, Darth Elmo was nearly assassinated. While on his mission to Yo-Mamaopolis to exterminate Gunter, Elmo narrowly escaped death as Gunter's X-wing blew up a vessel just behind him. Months later, Elmo was kidnapped by Darth Bob and his group of renegade Sith. Tortured for several days, Elmo amazingly escaped death yet again. Video of him being tortured was later uploaded to YouTube.

Appearances

 * The life of Darth Elmo
 * The life of Darth Elmo
 * The life of Darth Elmo while writing "The life of Darth Elmo"
 * The life of Darth Elmo while writing "The life of Darth Elmo while writing 'The life of Darth Elmo'"
 * The life of Darth Elmo while writing "The life of Darth Elmo while writing 'The life of Darth Elmo while writing 'The life of Darth Elmo'"
 * Elmo and Order
 * Tales of Darth Jawa
 * A Dark Apprentice
 * Darth Jawa and Darth Elmo
 * Making More Jawa Juice
 * The Story of Darth Darth Binks

Notes and references
