Template:FA January 2011

Monica Lu Wampa. Just look at her. Look at her perfectly formed body, her beautiful features, that curvaceous, sensuous form of hers. It drives men to distraction, and I'm sure it's driving you to distraction. Hell, she's so fine, that even if you're a woman I'm sure you're wishing you were a man right now so that you had a chance of attracting this beauty from the wonderful ice world of Hoth. She was so beautiful that her own mother cast her out, because she knew she just couldn't keep up with the competition. Her father jumped into an ice floe, partly for the shits and giggles, partly because he didn't want all the publicity of being known as the father of such a beautiful Wampa. He didn't like publicity, see, and the damn paparazzi just don't respect that.

Hell, it was the paparazzi that meant ol' Mon soon became a Sith!

Monica had always liked the big, red, flashy lightsabres, the idea of power, the idea of working with so many confident, rich, powerful men. So, when she got bored of being on the front cover of all those magazines they sell on Hoth (which don't actually exist; did I mention she had massive hallucinatory problems?) she became a Sith. However, working as a Sith meant she had to spend time under a master, and she served under Palpatine. All well and good, you might say, but no! Monica Lu Wampa had an affair with President Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, which suddenly made the whole galaxy go crazy. Partly because it was an unethical debasement of position. Partly because the people accusing didn't have the looks to get Mon.