The Force

"I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced... Also, does anyone have any whiskey?"

- Obi-Wan Kenobi

The Force was a mysterious tingling sensation felt by some people. Other people got more of a mild electric shock, which made them go evil and destroy planets. They should not be blamed for this. It really is quite irritating. Honestly.

Mainstream uses of the Force
"Look what I can do!"

- Baby Wormie as he picks his uncle up with the Force and throws him into a wall



The Force comes in many different shapes. With it, you can zap, push, choke, penetrate, blast, pull, slash, throw, bash, crash, mash, and kill enemies by the dozen. But the Force isn't all fun and games. One must always be vigilant against the dark side. The dark side's like buying a hooker. Sure, you get your satisfaction, sure you can go home to your wife and kids in a good enough mood not to think about killing them. But it leaves you empty, something still seems to be missing. That thing that's missing.... it's the cherry flavored condom.

Heh, who am I kidding? Hookers rule, so therefor, the POWAH of the dark side rulez!!!!

Inappropriate uses of the Force
"The Force surrounds us.... penetrates us... uh, more! more! uh, oh yeah! uh!"

- Obi-Wan Kenobi

Force users across the galaxy face a serious problem. Both Jedi and Sith alike suffer from a more and more common Force disease called Force-fondling. While in lesser cases, it just leads to a gush of wind out of no where suddenly showing a woman's private areas, it could lead to more serious problems, such as using the Force to feel up younglings, Force-persuading women to follow you to more private areas to chat, and even in extreme cases, the dreaded Wookiee-Nookie. If this behavior is not stopped soon, an order will be made to disallow these Force users from ever disrupting society again.

The Weak Light Side


The light side was the weaker side of the Force. The Jedi, a group of stupid hippies without the balls to get a job done properly, were the main followers of this side of the Force.

The majority of the Jedi got killed by Old Palps in Order 66. Good riddance. But then, of course, Luke killed Palps and his own father, all the while bringing back the Jedi. Then they almost got taken out by the Yuuzhan Vong, and yet somehow, once again, they survived. These weak pests are the cockroaches of the galaxy. You keep on squashing them with all the Force you have, and they keep springing up. Damn hippies.

The Powahful Dark Side
"Remember: power alone is not enough. Patience. Cunning. Secrecy. These are the tools we will use to bring down the Jedi..., ah, what the hell am I talking about, c'mon, lets go blow something up!"

- Darth Bane to Darth Zannah

The dark side is the most dominant POWAH in the galaxy. Seriously, having the dark side is like having a whole armory in your back pocket. 600 ways to KILL, BLOW UP, DESTROY! All at the low, low price of losing your soul! How can you say no to that offer?

The idiots who can't choose a side Grey Jedi
"Well, I assure you, I see more grey than dark or light. Then again, my eyes have been bad lately. Is that a grey shirt your wearing? No? it looks grey... bah!"

- Jolee Bindo to Revan in the Shadowlands of Kashyyyk

Grey Jedi were the middle men. You know when you bring up a serious and heated debate and turn to your friend a go, "What do you think?" and they say "I think both sides have a valid point."? Yeah, that was these guys. You'll never find a more retched hive of idiots with no opinion.

Light side Force powahs

 * Force push
 * Force pull
 * Force nudge
 * Force move
 * force telekinesis
 * Force readjust
 * Force twirl
 * Force throw
 * Force summon to self
 * Force replace
 * Force whine

Dark side Force powahs

 * Force lightning
 * Force spark
 * Force solt
 * Force thunder
 * Force electricity
 * Electric judgment
 * Force choke
 * Force crush
 * Force squeeze windpipe
 * Force squeeze