I am your father

I am your father. Oh didn't you hear? Yeah, those paternity tests finally got back. Yup, double checked and everything. I'm your new daddy! Don't think this means you'll finally have a "real" family, now. Actually, it just means I have to pay child support. In fact, fuck you. Goddamn child support.

Do you know how much you're gonna cost me?
Oh, don't give me any of this "only seven years old" crap, you little money-sucker. In fact, you don't give me any crap any more, ever. I'm paying your way so your damn mom can sit around all day doing diddly-squat, twerp, and this is how you thank me? With all your whining about "date-rape" and "restraining orders?" Know what? Screw you.

And the implications to the force!
Not only do I have to pay for you, I'll also have to sense your presence every time you get anywhere near me! I'll just be in the mall, when all of a sudden I'll walk by a KB Toys and hear your thoughts about how you want some toy lightsaber or something, and have to come in and "say hello," which is your mother's way of saying she's gonna bitch at me for thirty minutes about how I was "wrong to leave her," or that she's "better off" without me, or how I'm "late on a child support payment" how I "shouldn't have choked that guy to death with those awesome force powers, no matter how fantastically cool they are and how much they make me want you back," or some shit like that. Either way, it's extraordinarily annoying. Dumb bitch.

Oh, by the way.
I can blow up planets, now. Yeah. Some guy built a thing. Anyways, tell your mom not to get too pushy with me, or I'll mess her up good. Yeah, you heard me, twerp. I'll do this space-rock just I like I did Alderaan. You heard me, go tell her! Anyways, I've got some Sith groupies coming over. They can't get enough of my dark side. Tell your mom that, too. Word for word. Darth out. *click*