The 250 Things that Dan the Stormtrooper is No Longer Allowed to Do In the Imperial Army

The 250 Things that Dan the Stormtrooper is No Longer Allowed to Do In the Imperial Army is a list made by Dan the Stormtrooper after he took his leave of Stormtrooper Corps. It describes a list of things he was reprimanded and/or punished for during his time with the Emperor's Imperial army. The list is as follows:


 * 1) My proper military title is 'Stormtrooper Second Class Dan Wallace', not 'Queen Gertrude of the Hapes Consortium'.
 * 2) Marijuana smoking is not a proper training regiment.
 * 3) Not allowed to show up at checkpoints dressed in part of a Rebel uniform, messily drunk.
 * 4) Not allowed to tempt rookies to "fall to the dark side of the force"
 * 5) Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief in The Force
 * 6) Not allowed to pretend to Force Choke any officer.
 * 7) Not allowed to cut my hair like Princess Leia.
 * 8) Not allowed to add “In accordance to the prophesy of the chosen one” to the end of answers I give to a question a superior asks me.
 * 9) Not allowed to add commanding officers pictures to the "Jedi that are still at large" listings.
 * 10) Not allowed to join the Rebel Alliance.
 * 11) Not allowed to join any Rebel Coupe.
 * 12) not allowed to create any Rebel Coupe.
 * 13) Not allowed to donate money to the "The Alderaanian relief fund"
 * 14) Not allowed to leave the station when the Emperor is on the Death Star
 * 15) Not allowed to acknowledge the existence of a Death Star.
 * 16) Mandalore may not contradict any of my orders.
 * 17) Must not accuse superiors of being "Rebel Scum"
 * 18) Must not taunt the Gungans anymore.
 * 19) Must attempt not to antagonize the CSF.
 * 20) Do not call Clone Commandos "Test Tube babies".
 * 21) '''Do not tell jokes to Grand Admiral Thrawn in front of his Noghri Bodyguards."
 * 22) Never attempt to sell Weed to your commanding officers.
 * 23) Do not look at naked pictures of your Commanding Officers Wife, even if she happens to be a Pornographic actress.
 * 24) Never confuse a Twi'lek with a Rastafarian.
 * 25) Never tell a Mandalorian Mercenary "We kicked your clans asses all the way back to Mandalore!
 * 26) Do not answer a commanders direct order in another language, especially Mando'a
 * 27) Not allowed to wake an ISB operative by repeatedly smacking him in the face with a bag of compost.
 * 28) Do not remove the Magazines of especially annoying n00bs before battle.
 * 29) Do not remove the battery packs of especially annoying n00bs before battle.
 * 30) Do not remove the ammo case of especially annoying n00bs before battle.
 * 31) Do not scrape other troopers armor for parts and sell the to a Toydarian.
 * 32) May not use Imperial walkers to 'squish' things.
 * 33) Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. For Example, the Jedi Civil War. (NO, NO, IT CAN'T BE TARIS AGAIN!.)
 * 34) I am not to answer a superior officer with the words "I find your lack of faith disturbing!"
 * 35) Not allowed to ask for a day off on Holidays, as they do not celebrate Life Day on Tatooine.
 * 36) I do not command The Force.
 * 37) I am not a Jedi.
 * 38) My Father was not Mace Windu.
 * 39) I am not to speak of Jedi again, or I will be sent to Lord Vader.
 * 40) I am not an Aldeeranian Princess.
 * 41) I am not authorized to fire Grand Moff Tarkin.
 * 42) '''An order to "Stay Frosty" is not a command to have a nice, cold bottle of Corellian ale."
 * 43) Not allowed to pose as a gunner, in the hopes of the helmet hiding a silly grin
 * 44) The proper response to a command from the Emporer is not "Why?"
 * 45) Comparing Moffs or Grand Moffs to a specific brand of porn actress is generally a bad idea.
 * 46) I may not download songs illegally and stream them inside my HUD
 * 47) Must not use Helmet as a disposable toilet in the field.
 * 48) May not modify the chest plate of the standard-issue armor to resemble breasts.
 * 49) No 'going commando'; must wear the standard issue body glove along with said armor.
 * 50) May not add Mandalorian regalia to armor.
 * 51) Even if I have killed a Mandalorian and taken his armor, per custom.
 * 52) May not paint the back of the helmet to resemble the front.
 * 53) May not attach 'lekku' to helmet.
 * 54) I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
 * 55) Must never use the phrase 'The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation' to new privates.
 * 56) It is wrong to hang a 'Force Choke Me' sign from the back of any officer's uniform.
 * 57) Not allowed to chew spice during formation.
 * 58) Not allowed to chew spice during formation, even if I brought enough for everyone.
 * 59) I did not invent Blue Milk
 * 60) Not allowed to use the phrase 'What is this, the Imperial Inquisition?' when in the presence of Inquisitors.
 * 61) "May not bring a drag Wookiee to the legion formal dinner.
 * 62) May not "tie-dye" my armor.
 * 63) It is generally considered to be wrong to paint a bull's eye on my NCO's armor.
 * 64) Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Alderaanian "Fruit slinging" incident.
 * 65) May not glue bantha hair to body, in an attempt to get out of duty shifts as a Wookiee-Nookie survivor.
 * 66) The Force is not a part of my chain of command.
 * 67) Do not refer to Darth Vader as "Mom".
 * 68) Do not refer to the Emporer as "Dad".
 * 69) A holocron gatekeeper may not countermand any orders.
 * 70) I am not authorized to initiate the Gizka population into the Empire.
 * 71) Not am I authorized to assign them a representative in the Senate.
 * 72) May not wear a tutu over my armor.
 * 73) May not engage in the sale or purchase of Twi'leks or other slaves while on duty.
 * 74) May not paint a logo resembling hemp leaves on my armor.
 * 75) The Mon Calamari are NOT best served live.
 * 76) May not threaten new soldiers with a metal tube, decorated to resemble a lightsaber.
 * 77) There is not a Kowakian monkey-lizard residing in my refrigerator.
 * 78) May not paint myself orange and glue a pair of horns to my forehead and then put in for a suit of Devaronian armor.
 * 79) May not paint my body to resemble a suit of armor, then show up to formation without armor.
 * 80) I am an Imperial stormtrooper, not an Ewok with gigantism.
 * 81) I am an Imperial stormtrooper, not a hairless, midget wampa.