Takeoffo Calrissian

"Heh heh"

- Takeoffo Calrissian

Takeoffo Calrissian was one of Lando Calrissian's many brothers. He was the force sensitive one and was set to become a Jedi or a Sith Lord until he discovered the joys of getting high on the force, afterwhich he went to great lengths to remain a drug addict.

Early Life
Takeoffo's origins are under as much dispute as that of his brother, Lando's, in that it is unsure whether he was born on Bespin or hails from the mysterious Yeahbooboo. At any rate unlike Lando or the others, people new Takeoffo was force-sensitive from an early age. His parents were eager to enroll him with either the Jedi or the Sith, so as to hone his powers, and being young and idealistic, Takeoffo was only too ready to comply.

Force Camp and Early Drug Abuse
Unable to decide which path he liked better, the Dark or the Light, Takeoffo decided to heed the advice of his family and go to a Force Camp for young boys and gain exposure to both sides. While there, however, more than anything else, Takeoffo and his footloose buddies learned of the joys of substance abuse and soon were taking regular doses of weed, crack, heroin, spice, wookiee-juice, and infact, anything they could get their hands on. They even went so far as to lick their guest-lecturer Frog Yoda (Oddly, Yoda failed to report this incident to anyone but his personal shrink).

Disillusioned with either side of the force, Takeoffo and his pals stole someones ship and roamed free through out the Galaxy from planet to planet, abusing their force powers for cash and looking for bigger and better highs. Soon however, Takeoffo would leave his buddies behind and go on the craziest Trip the Galaxy had ever known.

One With the Force, Man
"Abuse the force....heh"

- Takeoffo Calrissian

One night after a particularly awful series of trips, Takeoffo discovered something that would change the way people got high around the Galaxy forever. He discovered that the Greatest trip of all could be achieved by abusing the greatest substance of all, the Force itself! Immediately he put his considerable skills to work developing and creating the Galaxy's first Lightbong with which he could properly channel the force and convert its flow into one Fucktastic high. Soon the whole Galaxy would witness Takeoffo zipping all over the place, chasing down force-sensitives so he could bask in the glory of their Force and trip monkey balls.

Takeoffo Calrissian's Fucktastic Adventure
"Would you mind directing some of them thar Lighting over here, please? Whoop! There it is! Oh yeahhhhhhhh....."

- Takeoffo adressing the soon to be Emperor Palpatine outside a window on Coruscant

Takeoffo' search for the perfect high took him to many places. Rumours include:


 * Sitting outside a coruscant window tripping on passing Force-Lightning residue from Mace Windu's falling corpse.
 * Hiding in the Death Star main reactor shaft to soak up the 'anger'.
 * Always booking tables next to Darth Lucas so as to use the Force flowing out of his ass.