Han Solo

"Han whines. Alot. And he has a habit of pooping in the shower."

- Trak Nar

 Indiana Jones Han Solo was a space pirate who spent much of his life in search of fortune and glory his kidnapped wife credits.

Perhaps his most famous space-piratical adventure was that one time when he shot Greedo with his DL-44 Heavy Blaster Pistol. Unfortunately, Kyle Katarn then shot him. Sometime between these events, he had three really annoying kids. He hung out with a giant walking carpet whose name has been forgotten. Although he never knew it, KHAAAN!!! Solo was his father.

He was a Carbonite addict, and he got totally stoned with Darth Vader at the Super Carbonite Rave Party.

Darth Han
"Darth Han" was an identity briefly adopted by Solo when he took Wormie's lightsaber on Hoth and fulfilled his dream of going on a Tauntaun killing spree. Han found his friend taking a snooze in the snow, yet conveniently failed to notice he was injured and getting his ass frozen off. Darth Han slaughtered hundreds of innocent tauntauns and disemboweled them for his own amusement. He found their lack of abdominal muscles disturbing. Unfortunately for Darth Han, the tauntauns were protected by Imperial law. Darth Vader launched a full scale assault on Hoth and pursued Han on a high speed chase to collect the five million credit fine for unlawful tauntaun killing.