Darth Animal

"Mess with Darth Animal you do not, for glass he eats, man."

- Yoda warning his Padawans about Darth Animal

Darth Animal, born Animal Fett-Goldberg, was a raging madman from Kashyyyk. Born to a Mandalorian father and a Wookiee mother (which technically made him a Klingon), he was Darth Elmo's main enforcer becouse he Pwnd ultimate due to his unique heritage. His official Sesame Street title was Darth Elmo's Hand. He destroyed three planets before joining Sesame Street, impressing Darth Elmo so much that he was given the monicker Darth and a less subtle one. His main task in the Sesame Street organisation was to utterly destroy anyone who would oppose his masters rule. he was in fact the last line of defense for Darth Elmo the Treacherous. Later in his career, he used Force Disco in the horrible Twi'lek Purge, and afterwards escaping Darth Darth Binks's wrath using only his primal cunning. His end came when he "argued" with Kermit on who had the better lightsaber form (Darth Animal's Jar'Kai vs. Kermit's Ataru).

Born from raw rage
Once upon a time on Kashyyyk, an inebriated Mandalorian trooper, who was also high on spice, tried to pick a fight with an insane female Wookiee. Little did he know that the Wookiee had Tatooinian rabies and was in fact a fearsome Madclaw! The short fight ended up in Wookiee-Nookie, with the Mando impregnating the hairy woman. Three weeks later, a premature Animal was born, resultinging in him becoming a Madclaw! just like his mother.

Ultimate PWNerer
"Cookie??"

- Cookie Monster offering Animal a truce

Because he was born a Madclaw!, Animal PWN3D everything he could get his little hairy hands on. As a mere toddler, he had destroyed four villages and one spaceport. The Wookiee Elders tried to outcast him, only to be PWND themselves. As a last resort, the remaining Wookiee Elder Council members hired Sesame Street to take care of the horrible threat. Darth Elmo and Cookie Monster soon confronted Animal, but before the vicious fight could erupt, Darth Elmo sensed Aminal's raw potential, and ordered Cookie Monster to recruit him into the Sesame Street ranks. Animal agreed, but before he was given his bones, he had to prove himself worthy by destroying as many planets as he could within one week.

Claim to fame
Dropped on the world of Ossus near a Jedi Academy, Animal PWN3D nineteen Jedi Masters, eighty-eight Jedi Knights and one-hundred and seven Padawans with his bare, though hairy, hands. His mere presence corrupted the Force at the Academy and in a huge Dark Side whirlwind, Animal recieved the knowledge to make his own lightsabers from the refuse&mdash;poorly, might I add. With Ossus destroyed, Animal had two more planets to destroy. He traveled to Malachor IX and PWN3D it with Force Bash within four hours. With one planet to go, he went to Melmac, brutalizing the inhabatants and destroying the planet, rendering local resident Gordon Shumway homeless. Animal had finished his quest, thereafter known as "PWNAGE-A-TROIS".

Sesame Street


"You are an Animal. You make Elmo proud. Henceforth, you will be known as...Darth Animal. You will answer to me, and only to me...Bitch."

- Darth Elmo the Treacherous to Darth Animal the Maniac

Returning to Darth Elmo, he was given the title Darth and Bitch. Paranoid as Darth Elmo was he kept the existence of Darth Animal hidden from most of the Sesame Street members, Cookie Monster was kept silent with the promise of Cookies, Unlimited Cookies and Kermit who also knew of his existence had already left the Sesame Street ranks. Grover, Bert and Ernie never had the slightest clue that Darth Animal the Maniac was watching them closely from the shadows. His first official assignment was the destruction of Ryloth, as the consequence of Darth Elmo's intolerance towards Twi'leks. Obliterating the Twi'lek turf and eating most of its inhabitants. This feat pissed Darth Darth Binks intensly off since he loved Twi'leks, personally confronting Darth Animal and killing him. Unbeknown to the Gungan Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, Darth Animal was not defeated due to his primal cunning and playing possum. Darth Animal returned to his master and was promoted to Sith Underlord.

Death
Darth Animal's next mission was the extermination of Kermit, who was thrown out of Sesame Street on account of failing to destroy a planet. His search ended on Tatooine. Kermit, protected by countless Gamorreans and his spouse, Miss Piggy, was well aware of Darth Animal's rage and knew his end was near. Darth Animal sliced right trough his Gamorrean opponents and soon nothing seperated Darth Animal from his target. Kermit proved a difficult enemy though, using his Frog abilities and his Ataru skills to dodge Darth Animal's attacks. In a last attempt, Darth Animal used all of his Force powers to PWN his green opponent with Force Pwn. Lucky for Kermit, he was so thin that most of the attack missed him completely. Unlucky for Darth Animal, he had used so much of his Force powers in one attack that he injured all of his Midi-chlorians. Unable to use the Force, he attacked Kermit mano-a-frogo. Swinging his lightsabers, Animal cut himself in thirty-four pieces. The Sith Underlord was no more and Darth Elmo sought a new apprentice.

Powers and abilities
Darth Animal was a Jar'Kai master, PWN-ing all with his immense rage and crappy-looking lightsabers. Multiple opponents ment nothing to him: all the more to PWN. On the downside, he wasn't particuarly intelligent, but he managed to invent new Force abillities such as Force Bash and Force Disco. He was extremely loyal to Darth Elmo, even going so far as to accept the title of "Bitch" by his master, an insult no other sentient in the Galaxy would survive. He almost single-hairy-handedly ridded the Galaxy of Twi'leks, with a simple yet deadly dance routine.

Crappy lightsaber controversy
'''Look at him, what do you expect?! He only had Windows Paint on his PC! Does he even look like he knows what software is? He's too busy PWNING shit. I for one am proud of his achievements!'''

Appearances

 * The Big Sesame Street Sourcebook
 * Sesame Street: No Boom?
 * Sith handbook on alien encounters
 * Eating Glass, Crapping Blood And Not Giving A Damn, Official Biography ghostwritten by Karen Traviss