Luke Skywalker

"But I was going to Tosche station to pick up some power converters! Whaaa!"

- Luke having a hissy fit. &nbsp Luke Skywalker, was a native of Tatooine who bed Mara Jade after an unsuccessful attempt at an incestuous relationship with Leia. Obi-Wan Kenobi was his caring master. He was named after Saint Luke from the Bible.

Life
"No I'll never turn to the Dark Side. I am an Emo like my father before me"

- Luke to Palpy Luke Skywalker eventually had to learn the ways of the force so he came to Dagohbah to learn the ways of force

Early Life
Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, Annie and Padmé Amidala did it on Naboo. Then a while later Annie got drunk and tried to kill Padmé. He thought he did... well he did. But before she died, Luke and his sister was born.

That old guy then fell out of the ship while holding Luke. The duo fell onto that desert place, which suited Obi-Wan well because there was lots of Jawa juice. He dumped Luke with his aunt and uncle and went binge drinking. Next morning he had such a bad hangover that he forgot his name, so he thought he was Ben. And that's how Luke and his sister were separated.

After nineteen years of doing nothing much, Obi-Wan remembered his name. When Leia heard about him, she sent a tin can and a whiny robot with a message asking him to join the Rebellion. But the two droids ended up with Luke somehow. Luke was faced with his first decision. He decided to go to sleep and see if it disappeared in the morning. It did. But Luke knew that his uncle would be mad at him, so he took the other droid in the family landspeeder and set off to find it.

After being ambushed by robe wearing dudes, Luke was saved by Obi-Wan who scared the Sand People away with an enormous belch. Obi-Wan took Luke to his shelter in the Dune Sea, where he talked to him about such things like the Force and the price of Jawa juice in various Tatooine cities. When Wormie learned that his uncle and aunt were brutally murdered by Damn Stormtroopers, he decided to go to Alderaan with Obi-Wan in search of cheaper Jawa juice (also the drinking age on Tatooine is 50, as opposed to Alderaan's 10).

Journey to Alderaan
On his way to the Arabic country, he got laid. Lucky.

Death Star
That old guy and Han Solo flew into the Death Star by accident. They were probably drunk. James Vader was busy cleaning Frank's toilet, so he couldn't catch them when they landed. Luke started to kick ass, then Obi-Wan died (thank god for that). After all that shit Luke blue up the Death Star and got a fuckin medal.