Gundark



"I haven't felt you this tense since we fell into that nest of gundarks." "I remember that day. The way the moonlight reflected off your hair... you were so gentle."

- Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, in a conversation that very quickly departed from the topic of gundarks

Gundarks were hairy, toothy monsters with big ears. They were vicious, mindless, aggressive, and liable to rip your arms off before you could say Jack Robinson. Usually, gundarks had two stumpy legs and four arms... except the ones that looked completely different for no reason. But they definitely had big ears... except the ones that didn't. Humans often joked about pulling the ears off gundarks, which wasn't funny in the slightest and actually quite cruel.

Funny thing about gundarks was that they had all the evolutionary prerequisites to become intelligent tool-builders: they had large brains, humanoid bodies, even opposable digits. By rights they should be eating with silverware and composing operettas at this stage in their development, but rather than build tools and develop language, gundarks just ran around bashing and killing anything they encountered.

Anthropologists were intrigued by the ugly, big-eared gundarks and spent a great deal of time observing their behavior. They expected to find social hierarchies, tribal moieties, and struggles for dominance, they instead found that gundarks, left to themselves, bickered and fought among themselves constantly, with no leaders or social organization at all. Usually, at that point in their research, they were killed by gundarks who had been sneaking up behind them, and their entrails were scattered around the gundarks' filthy cave. Gundarks were huge NASCAR fans.

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker once fell into a nest of gundarks... what happened after that is probably best left to the imagination.