Thread:Darth Darth Binks (Hidden)

"Mesa teachin' you muy-muy bombad powah of da Sithies!"

- Darth Darth Binks

"All yousa peoples guna DIE!"

- Darth Darth Binks

Darth Darth Binks was an omnipissant Gungan Sith Mega-Super-Overlord during the Old Republic. A brilliant tactician, orator, and juggler, Lord Binks established the Rule of Poo under which the Dark Lords of the Sith flourished during the Great Binge and Purge. The Sith Empire founded by Binks outlasted even the Sith Empire of Darth Defatigable. He was the brother of the anorexic Darth Plagueis.

Early life
Binks was born Jar Jar Binks on Nabooboo to George and Hortense Binks, both of whom committed ritual Gungan suicide (or "seppoodoo") upon first seeing their newborn son (who was actually their second son, as Darth Plagueis came out 3 seconds earlier). Darth Plagueis, already able to think at the age of 3 seconds (so much so that he named himself a Darth name), left Binks to die, something he would very much regret doing. The orphaned child was left in the swamp (this was the only creativity Darth Plagueis could come up with to destroy Binks), where he dwelt for nearly two decades before being run over by a Trade Federation JI-AT Jimmie Walker. He survived the accident, if indeed it was an accident, and turned to the Dark Side.

Binks of the Sith
"Mesa gonna maka yous my bitch!"

- Darth Darth Binks

Binks stole a Naboo Chromeship and traveled around the Galaxy in search of a Sith master. During this time, Binks caused enough destruction (Including the destruciton of Kamino) to attract the attention of Count Dookie, apprentice of Darth Sid Vicious. Dookie hired six different bounty hunters to bring him Binks, but only one&mdash;the legendary Darth Awesome of Mandalore&mdash;succeeded, the rest succumbing to a variety of fatally slapstick attacks.

Under the guidance of his new master, Binks learned Sith abilities like Force lightning, Force tornado, Force scattered precipitation, and Mordenkainen's Lucubration. Dookie, meanwhile, learned that the path of destruction left by Binks on worlds such as Taris, Despayre, and Tarrgit had not been due to any deep commitment to evil, but had more to do with his clumsiness&mdash;a fact made abundantly clear when Binks, armed with only a bowl of Jell-o pudding and a five-inch bit of string, destroyed all of Count Dookie's deactivated lightsaber training droids. This, combined with his accidental shattering of an entire shelf of Hummel figurines, exhausted Dookie's patience and sealed Binks' fate.

Revenge of the Exile of the Sith
To restrain Binks and prevent catastrophic damage to his ship, Dookie used Force coma on his bumbling apprentice and abandoned him in the wastes of Tatooine, the only planet in the Galaxy. When asked by his student Darth Sinead why he hadn't simply killed Binks, Dookie explained: "We are villains, my dear. We leave our enemies for dead instead of killing them, so that we may face them again later, the better to show off how evil we are."

This gave little comfort to Binks, who was soon captured by Sand People. In their custody, Binks was tortured for no apparent reason but was later rescued by a local farm kid with too much time on his hands. While escaping the Sand People's camp, Binks lost control of his ignited Quadruple bladed lightsaber, dropping it on his liberator's spine. Binks then stole a fortuitously-placed TIE Defender from an abandoned Imperial garrison and used it to conquer the Galaxy.

Triumph of the Binks
"Oncey mo, da Sithies gonna be rulen de maxi-big Galaxy, and wesa haven peace!"

- Darth Darth Binks

Declaring himself Super Bombad Supreme Chancellor for All Mesa Life, Binks established a Sith Empire and single-handedly slaughtered all his enemies using a Sith power he developed himself, Force buffoonery. Later he hired Sesame Street; they would become his private planet destruction team and destroyed several planets for him whenever his busy schedule prohibited his preferred "hands-on" approach. Binks became immortal and ruled the Galaxy forever and was never overthrown by anybody ever. His brother, Darth Plagueis, meanwhile, had taken up drinking and died in a motorcycle-through-the-Ring-of-Fire accident. The end....

But wait a minute! We forgot some very important details.

His ultimate fate was his death at the hands of Darth Vader on some hot planet. Originally Vader was to simply puncture him in the chest, but when Binks slipped on the railing, he fell directly into the blade, piercing his head before spliting in two. Yep, that's our wacky and loveable Darth Darth!



Behind the scenes

 * Darth Darth Binks was portrayed by Al Jolson in the Star Wars films.
 * Creator George Lucas has said that the character of Darth Darth Binks is based on his real-life pet dog Indiana, whose comical hijinks have left hundreds dead.
 * Binks' Gungan patois has been the subject of criticism from organizations like the International Association of Linguistic Hypersensitivity, the Accident-Prone Amphibian Anti-Defamation League, and the Overly Litigious Association that Can't Take a Joke (OLACTAJ). In response to the criticism, Lucas sent each organization custom Hasbro-built action figures depicting their directors in whimsical Star Wars-style costumes. Most recipients reportedly were satisfied by this response, as it meant big bucks on eBay; however, according to a press release, OLACTAJ took it as an insult and demanded compensation for their compensation. The dispute has not yet been resolved.
 * In Hungarian, "Darth Darth Binks" is a slang phrase for a particularly smooth-flavored variety of cheese.