Yipee:Disney buys rights to Star Wars

September 8, 2009

ORLANDO, FL - In a bold move, The Walt Disney Company, the corporation that brought life to such historic characters as José Carioca and Hannah Montana, has bought rights to the Star Wars series of films and other merchandise. The announcement came just days after Disney had announced their take-over of Marvel Entertainment, a highly successful company made famous by Tobey Maguire. In a press conference, Robert Iger, president and CEO of Disney had this to say:

Since 1923, our fine company has strived, of course, on global domination. After the US government forced our operations in North Africa down and confiscated our nuclear warheads and cryogenic freezing chambers, I was given the difficult task of creating a new plan. It is with great honor that I announce our new plan. Many of you may have heard of our recent buying of Marvel Entertainment. Well, I am pleased to say that we have also just finished buying rights to the Star Wars franchise. With our 6.8 million dollar deal with Lucasfilm, we are now in almost absolute control of the Star Wars characters, locations, weapons and vessels. In addition to the Star Wars franchise, we were also given rights to Willow, at absolutely no cost to us.

The announcement was met with great opposition from Star Wars fans, while sites like Darthipedia have embraced the buy-out with open arms. An estimated 80% of Darthipedia's articles will now cover previous non-canonical subjects, ranging from Bert and Ernie to Piglet. When asked if the site would continue making Disney-related articles, administrator "StarNinja99" commented:

I think it's time we move on. I mean, jeez, we've been wroting [sic] about that shit since 2007. Hell, it wasn't even funny back then. No, I think our next project will revolve around ZOOM. Tubake thubat yubou Dubisnubey bubastubards!

Also a major supporter of the buy-out is none-other than Star Wars creator, George Lucas.

Oh, I think it's wonderful. I get more money, Rick gets more money. Maybe we'll share some of it with Dave Filoni. Or not. I'm just glad that the whole mythology of Star Wars is getting put into good hands. And who knows, maybe they'll come up with some good stories. Unlikely, but it could happen. Maybe we'll see Goofy fighting alongside Han Solo and Chewbacca. Maybe Akshoka will hook-up with Prince Charming. Hell, Disney owns Marvel now too. Maybe we'll even be seeing Howard the Duck in the Star Wars universe! Now that sounds exciting.