User:Madclaw/Uncle Sid

"Ahahahaha!"

- Palpatine, many, many times

(insert first name here) Palpatine, also known as Cos Dashit (pronounced "Cause da shit!"), Cos Palpatine, Dantius Palpatine, Albert Palpatine, Albus Severus Palpatine, Augustus Palpatine, Frank Palpatine and Bobo, and under the titles Emperor Palpatine and The Emperor, and under the nicknames of Palpy, Palps, that old guy that smells like cheese and ear wax, and Old Dude and rarely Lord Ugly Butt was the true identity of Darth Sidious' (though some people didn't realize that until Episode MMVII). He was trained by some Muun Darth who had a plague (or was it Darth Imperius, like the all-knowing SuperShadow said?). Either way, Palpatine had an extremely long life before getting PWN3D a couple of times.

He is the one who drew Darth Stick Man.

In his time, he was the evilest, smartest, and most bad-assed pedophile Sith lord/Old dude around since Darth Darth Binks. He was in great need of a toothbrush, face lift, and hair plugs. He totally owned all with his "Death Star" that "could never be destroyed". In 4 BBY, he died from a massive exposure to an Extra-Large Supreme Ultra Large Burrito, which killed thousands of Burrito King's everywhere. When he returned as a clone, he attempted to use the Force on Wormie but he shit himself instead just before degenerating.

His degeneration was caused by over-use of plastic surgery, and his nose fell off once. He was also accused of being a gypsy by Borat.

Palpy was greatly known for the amount of names attributed to his body parts.

He also was cloned several times after the Thrawn Burrito Crisis, his most known clone is known as Emperor Ratzinger, or Darth Benedictus.

First First Name
Palpatine was born as Rupert G. Palpatine. However, he soon realized that this name caused him to be beaten up on a regular basis. He eventually changed his name to Frank, though not before the trauma of his experiences with his cruel schoolmates caused many deep psychological scars. As a result, he later developed multiple personality disorder.

The Invasion of Naboo
"I must be Frank with you, your Majesty."

- Palpatine

At the time of the Invasion of Naboo, which Palpatine's additional personality, Darth Sidious, had orchestrated, Palpatine was feeling very frustrated by his constraint to not reveal his other identity, lest it damage his political career. He would occasionally hint that he was forced to pretend to be Frank Palpatine, though no one ever caught on.

The Clone Wars and Aftermath
Eventually, his Sith personality took over completely and he became Emperor of the Galactic Empire. He could still think normally, though he had a habit of being very rude and neglecting to fulfill basic hygienic needs. He changed his name to Sidney Ebeneezer Palpatine in tribute to his other identity.

Rebirth and Legacy
After his apparent death during the Battle of Endor, Palpatine rose again in a clone body he dubbed "Phineas Q. Palpatine." It was eventually destroyed. While making a gravestone for the former elected Chancellor and Emperor, one chiseler was reported to have said, "This guy's got more names than a Chinese phone book!" His joke was generally found to be in bad taste and not especially funny.

Personality and traits
Palpatine's "Frank" personality was generally benevolent, while his "Darth Sidious" personality was completely evil. Eventually they merged to form "Sid E. Palpatine," who was defeated by Luke Skywalker during the Battle of Endor. However, he soon rose again in the form of a clone named Phineas Q. Palpatine, which was subsequently defeated.