Darth Sorrow



Darth Sorrow was a mountain Sith Mega-Super-Overlord. Emotionally unstable for a large portion of his life, Darth Sorrow was a master ligthsaber user, and used Form VIII, also known as the way of the Ding-bat, drawing on his inner sadness to blast his adversaries to oblivion. With a midi-chlorian count of over 60,000,000, Darth Sorrow was one of the most powerful bad guys ever to rule the Galaxy.

However, he was not always evil. Born with a name unpronounceable to other species, Sorrow lived a happy youth on his native Endor, playing with Ewoks and Yuzzums. However, tragedy struck in 4 ABY, when the Empire decided to build a road through Sorrow's parents. Mount Sorrow was left familyless, and very, very, very sad.

Early Life
Darth Sorrow was a very cheerful, jolly mountain as a youngster. He played with Ewoks, stargazed with his parents, and played baseball with the other mountains. Then, in 4 ABY, the Empire arrived on Endor, and began construction on the second Death Star. Mountain range Sorrow (the family's name) was in between the Imperial base, and the local strip club. The Scout troopers were desperate to get to the club, so, after much pestering, the Empire had a tunnel built through Darth Sorrow's two parents. Their last words to him were "what the hell is happening to my stomach!?"

Sith training


Darth Sorrow underwent a massive personality transformation. His former, cheerful self was gone; replaced by a deep sense of sadness. He used all his effort to try and move, but it was unsuccessful. He cried and cried for weeks on end, drowning several Imperials in the process. Then, over fifty years later, a Sith Mega-Super Overlord arrived on Endor, looking for a new apprentice. Darth Obvious used the Force to shrink Sorrow, then transferred him onto the body of a muscular human male. He was fitted with stone armor (made with the remains of his parents) and trained in the ways of the Sith. He should have been one evil mo'fo', but he wasn't. He was still very, very, very sad.

Becoming a Sith Mega-Super Overlord
The two Sith lived on Endor for many years. Darth Obvious liked Endor because it was the perfect temperature to point out things that everyone already knew, and Sorrow liked it because he could visit the spot where his parents once stood. He eventually got used to being able to move, and mastered Form VIII. To use Form VIII, the user must have allowed themselves to feel depressed in the fight; he must give himself over to the sadness of battle. However, sixty nine years after the death of his parents, Sorrow learned that Darth Obvious had taken another, secret, apprentice. The two dueled, with Obvious coming just out on top. Sorrow lay on the ground, weaponless. Just as Obvious prepared to deliver the final blow, Darth Sorrow used Force Cry me a River, drowning Darth Obvious. Darth Obvious' last words were: "I'm wet. I'm drowning. The sky is blue."

Darth Sorrow, now even more sad than he was before, went to Darth Obvious' house, and killed the other apprentice, Darth Fellatio, who attempted to choke him. Sorrow used Force Grief to finish off Fellatio, then packed his bags, blew his nose, and left Endor for good. He was very, very, very sad at the loss of his parents and his Master. He started his own personal vendetta against the Empire and the Force; the two things which he felt were responsible for their deaths. Some kid had pretty much taken care of the Empire for him, so he set his eyes on the Jedi and the Sith. He thought that if they were wiped out the Jedi and the Sith, the Force would cease to exist. He began plotting, although he was still very, very, very sad.

The Great Sith Family
Sometime after leaving Endor, Sorrow heard about The Great Sith Family. He decided that joining the Sith was a good idea, he could take them down from the inside, while helping them defeat the Jedi. However, Darth Sorrow did not like the Great Sith Family. The had principles and morals and the like, things which Darth Sorrow had learned to disregard in his chronic depression. Eventually, they drove him insane. Very, very, very insane. Now, if you know someone who is very, very, very sad, and very, very, very insane, you'd want to stay away from them. One evening, the family decided to play a game of monopoly. After several hours, all Sorrow had was Dagobah (one of the two crappy brown locations). In a fit of anger, he murdered the whole family, making it look like a typical monopoly-related family row gone wrong.

The Great Army of Fish
With the Sith all but defeated, Darth Sorrow turned his attention to the Jedi. Knowing he would need an army to defeat the thousands of Jedi, he began to roam the Galaxy in search of one. Eventually, he stumbled upon the desert world of Mon Calamari. The fish and squid of the planet were all almost dead&mdash;their once water-filled land had had a devastating drought, and they were very thirsty. Darth Sorrow felt they would be poor warriors, and he decided to move on. However, as he left, he saw a mountain that looked just like his mum. Overcome with grief, he cried, and cried, and cried. Over the space of a week, the planet was once again filled with water. The people of Mon Calamari pledged their allegiance to the mountainous Sith, and one of them, Darth Ackbar, became Sorrow's apprentice. The Jedi were quaking in their boots, or at least that's what Darth Sorrow liked to think. I truth, they weren;t quaking at all. and they didn't have boots. Nudity had become part of the Jedi Code&mdash;after all, Jedi say they need no personal objects, and clothes are objects. And personal. Usually.